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Christmas is about chocolate, cocktails and unbridled TV watching. Or at least it is round here. Yeah yeah, there’s the giving and the caring, and the feasting and celebrating. But there’s also so important goggleboxing to do. Square-eyes don’t get square by themselves you know.
So what’s in store for us? Pretty much the usual stuff, the obligatory Strictly, the traditional Christmas eve Bond, blabla pass the vodka. It can all be pretty much circumnavigated if you have a subscription to Netflix or Amazon or whatever. But what if you don’t? Well, don’t worry. We’ve had a look through the TV schedules and there’s something for everyone. You don’t have to resort to watching It’s a Wonderful Life for the gazillionth time.
We’re Going On A Bear Hunt 7.30pm Channel 4 Michael Rosen’s much loved children’s book has been animated. Stars Olivia Coleman.
Muppet Christmas Carol 5.50pm Channel 4 I’m reliably told that the Muppets stick surprisingly close to the Dickens original story. And who doesn’t love the Muppets?
Peter Kay’s Comedy Shuffle 22.05 BBC1 Waiting up for Santa? The best bits of Phoenix Nights and more, should keep you occupied while the varmints fall asleep.
Raymond Briggs Father Christmas 8.30am Channel 4 Settle the kids in front of this and go back to sleep for a little while
Terry Pratchett’s Going Postal 9.00am Sky2 Will keep everyone occupied while you pull yourself together and get over Santa’s hangover.
Polar Express 1.00pm ITV2 Children’s favourite, belief in Father Christmas is restored in an epic journey to the North Pole.
The Great Christmas BakeOff 4.45pm BBC1 Your last chance to get your BBC Bake Off fix before it hightails it over to Channel 4 next year.
Dr Who 5.45pm BBC1 Essential Christmas Day watching obvs. Apparently a good sprinkling of superhero references in this Christmas special.
The Last DragonSlayer 5.45pm Sky1 If you’re more of a fantasy family than a scifi family, check this film out. A little bit Pratchett, a whole lot of adventure
Call the Midwife 8pm BBC1 Special Christmas episode. Box of tissues at the ready.
Eastenders 9.30pm BBC1 The obligatory Eastenders disasters await: someone’s bound to be found out / get murdered / leave in a taxi, as Max Branning returns to the Square.
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn 11am BBC2 Something to aim to get up for. Or watch it in bed with the kids. Or without them.
West Side Story 2.20pm Channel5 If you didn’t make it up for Tintin, surely you can drag your sorry ass to the couch for West Side Story?
World’s Strongest Man 2016 6.00pm Channel5 Action from the contest at the First Direct Arena in Leeds. Yeah, it’s traditional.
Revolting Rhymes 6.30pm BBC1 Animations based on poems of Roald Dahl. Features Dominic West and Rob Brydon
Captain America: The First Avenger 9pm Film4 Superheroes for older kids and big kids.